Seasons Greatings from SixTalkingHeads

We at SixTalkingHeads cherish and welcome the holiday season with a giddy joy that borders on creepy for individuals whose pajamas no longer have feet. Our holiday party is rivaled by none in its splendor and excess. As we come together to celebrate this cheerful time of year, I don't want to forget those out there who made this year special for everyone. I wish all of you a joyful and wonderful holiday season, but for the following individuals I've reserved a little something extra....


SixTalkingHeads wishes a SUPER DUPER Happy Holidays to...

1. Barbaro: In a time when all the news outlets wanted to talk about were trivial issues like "the war" and something referred to as "elections", it was refreshing to gain a healthy perspective on what is really important in life. Barbaro, we have you to thank for that. What would this past year have been without the constant updates about your injuries? I'm not afraid to admit that a tear came to my eye as Anderson Cooper described in excrutiating detail that you were now defacating regularly, without falling over! Those shots of you walking in full casts with a rigid jerking motion that made it seem as though you had pogo sticks strapped to your legs? Priceless! I've never had a horse, but if I ever do I'm going to break his legs so that I can experience the heartwarming joy of nursing him back to health. Thanks Barbaro...and Happy Holidays!

2. Crazy Russian Spy Killed by Radiation Guy: Perhaps this should be more of a "best respects" than a "season's greetings", but has anybody in recent history pulled off a more stunning death than this guy? If you haven't been following along, I suggest you Google the story and give it a read through. I can't recall if this type of assassination took place in an actual Bond movie, but if it didn't, I'm sure we'll see it soon. Until then, enjoy your egg nog Crazy Russian Spies, and watch out for Plutonium.

3. LaDanian Tomlinson: Sorry LT2, but this one is a bit of a mixed bag. For all of those lucky souls out there who had you on their fantasy teams, enjoy the holiday season! For those of us who DIDN'T happen to be so lucky...have you considered the cover of Madden?

4. Michael Richards: On second thought...nevermind. You've ruined pretty much every re-run of Seinfeld. We'll THINK about getting you back on the list next year.

5. Tom Cruise: Not sure what sort of holidays you scientists celebrate Tom, but here's hoping you have a good one. It would certainly be a fitting end to a big year. First, you bagged Dawson's chick. Then, you managed to make Oprah look like a calm person with a manageable ego. Finally, you made a big time action movie with the pudgy guy from Scent of a Woman. If I weren't holding out for Nights of Thunder, I'd say your career was taking a turn for the worse. Fortunately, you managed to turn things around by adopting Dawson's son. Best of luck in the New Year daddy-o!

6. The Harry Potter Chick: If the entire country is going to read just one book, I for one am happy that it was written for an audience of twelve year olds and assorted pre-teens. Can you imagine the crisis of confidence if everyone on the train from the suburbs were trying to read Hemmingway or Vonnegut? Thankfully we won't have to worry about that as the Harry Potter Chick has assured us that our national reading abilities are forever stunted. Thanks again Harry Potter Chick - and get to work on that next classic!

7. Golf Umbrella People: What would the holidays be without a little bit of December rain/snow? Fortunately, some people in the world will never have to find out, as they trot through life underneath a veritable circus tent of an umbrella. With the added bonus that no other person could possibly walk on the sidewalk with them, they have lots of room to carry their shopping treasures. Enjoy the lonely shopping season golf umbrella people...and try to stay dry!

8. Bags-on-Wheels People: Though not as intrusive as their bastard step-child the golf umbrella people, the bags-on-wheels people do deserve a greeting all their own. Sure, they'll have to fold up the greeting, stuff it in their rolling bag, and drag it around like a 1950's lawnmower, but they still deserve it. So happy holidays bags-on-wheels people...and thanks for the wussification of America.

9. President Bush: Yeah...right. Like I'm going to go there. I already offended half of the nation's conservatives with numbers 7 and 8. I might as well just stick to making fun of horses.

10. Borat: What can I say Borat? I don't really know you. I can't afford HBO and even if I could I'm not sure I'd be able to buy a movie ticket at current prices. What I do know is that a large portion of the country seems to be in love with you...and you have hairy legs. I'll keep you at arms length as you kindof strike me as some creepy conglomerate of Balki from Perfect Strangers and Pee Wee Herman. I'm pretty sure that's NOT a good thing, but I wish you holiday cheer nonetheless.

Well that's it for now, but don't be afraid to carry on the cheer yourself. Happy Holidays folks - we'll keep on talking at you right through the new year.