Magnificent Marty

What if I told you that Marty Schottenheimer is the greatest NFL coach of all time? Would you laugh at me? The San Diego Chargers are on their way to the #1 seed in the AFC and home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs. Not only are the California locals going crazy for this year’s edition of “Marty Ball”, but LT's record breaking year has made it one wild ride for the San Diego faithful. So how will this year’s water cooler team end the NFL season? The Answer: the way all Marty Schottenheimer’s teams do, watching the Super Bowl come February and counting their performance bonus checks.

To start off I want to tell you that I am an Eagles fan at heart. Just like I bleed PSU Blue and White on Saturday, I bleed Eagles Green and White come Sunday. However, as a young buck growing up on the streets of Philadelphia (outside King of Prussia...a.k.a. the suburbs), I tended to lean toward a particular AFC team in the mid to late 90s as my beloved Eagles continued to disappoint...season after season. The AFC team that I quickly took a liking to is the one...the only...Kansas City Chiefs. If you’re wondering how I jumped from one bandwagon to the next, my story is quite simple. First and foremost, I was born in the early 1980’s outside of Philadelphia as a die-hard Eagles fan. However, when the Eagles began breaking my heart at the early age of seven, I rooted for the San Francisco 49ers instead. Why a 49ers fan you ask? Let’s not beat around the bush, they were obviously winning! But I wasn’t a Niners fan because of Mr. Rice or the second coming of Jesus Christ (Steve Young). I was a Niners fan for one reason only - the FedEx delivery guy known as Joe Montana. However, once ol’ Joe set sail for greener pastures, I quickly followed him to Kansas City and fell into the clutches of the Marty Schottenheimer stranglehold. Marty was my man. Marty not only turned the Chiefs organization around, he revolutionized it. With Montana at the helm, Schottenheimer took the once struggling Chiefs to the pinnacle of the AFC going 13-3 in two out of three seasons. But just like my beloved Eagles, the postseason meant more tears for the fans of Kansas City. Marty failed us time and time again, just like he will with the San Diego Chargers this year.

This may come off a bit negative, but Marty Schottenheimer sucks. How can I back this up when Marty boasts one of the greatest winning percentages of all-time at 197-126-1? Easy, he’s 5-12 in the postseason and has never seen the big game. Not unlike Montana's counterpart, Dan Marino, when it comes to the games that matter, Marty always falls short of the trophy. Two seasons ago, everyone called me crazy when I predicted that the New York Jets would knock off the Chargers in the AFC wildcard game. I was right, and I plan to predict the fall of the mighty Chargers this year as they take to the postseason yet again. Chargers fans will try to tell you that this year may be a little different; Schotty will see Win #200, LaDanian Tomlinson will continue to shatter Alexander’s TD record, and the Chargers will earn a first round bye and home field advantage throughout the post season. But the result will be the same. Marty will lose in his first game in the playoffs and upper management will once again begin to question the Marty Schottenheimer era.

Sorry San Diego, but at the end of the year there will be no hearty party. Just one Schotty Marty.