Fantasy Lineup Picks - Week 11

Aloha – welcome back for Week 11 of the fantasy season. As always, this is the place where I offer my weekly picks of who to get in your lineup, who to sit, and what defenses are scary good or possibly ripe for the picking. I should note as a disclaimer that yes, I have received all your "funny" emails and messages about my recommendation to sit Ocho Stinko last week. I now know how infinitely stupid am and how all of you knew that he was going to break the Bengals' single game receiving record. I look forward to reading your fantasy picks articles in the near future - until then...

Use 'em:

1. Steve McNair: I was always on the fence about McNair, even in his "glory" days. We were force fed story after story about how tough he was, but for all of his toughness he seemed to be battling a different injury every other week. Perhaps Peyton should start floating info on his injuries and he'll be seen as less of a choke artist and more of a "tough guy." Well...probably not...but I do like his funny commercials. Billick has the Ravens playing for his job of late and McNair's stats seem to be benefitting. Get him in the lineup if you need a qb.

2. Thomas Jones: Diligent research brought to light that Jones has rushed for more yards in his first three seasons with the Bears than any other running back in team history not named Walter Payton. Are you for real? You mean he's better than Curtis Enis AND Anthony Thomas? The man does deserve his props though. Fortunately for Jones's fantasy owners, Cedric Benson has been working through the Ricky Williams 12 Step program on how to alienate yourself from your team. Jones gets a weak Jets run defense this week so I'd say start him if you've got him.

3. Anthony Thomas:

Actual conversation:

"So, I'm kind of screwed now that Portis went down...luckily I picked up Anthony Thomas last week."

[without sarcasm] "Oh yeah...that's a good thing."

Sometimes you just can't explain these things. Thomas has been better in the past two weeks than McGahee was before he went down. No wonder people like Ocho Cinco make me look stupid.

4. Joey Galloway: We're stepping into the way back machine for wide receivers this week. Galloway hasn't been the same this year as he was last (he's actually been much more like the Galloway of...well...every other year he played). Expected decline aside, Joey (can grown men still call themselves that?) matches up with a Skins defense this week that has been running a scheme that is entirely new to the NFL - it is called the Cover-20 (meaning that they refuse to cover anyone who runs more than 20 yards downfield). Joey still has some jets, so look for him to get open deep once or twice.

5. Muhsin Muhammad: Not the sexiest pick at wideout, but the Moose has scored in three straight games and looks to make it four this week against the Jets. Rex seems to like the greater NYC area alot more than his other road locals, so he'll probably keep looking Moose's way this week. On the subject, but somewhat unrelated...remember when Muhammad got like 18 TDs a couple of years ago with the Panthers? What the hell was that? Has anybody ever jumped from semi-dependable role player to ultra stud and back again in such a short amount of time. What was that Jamal Lewis? You had something to say?

6. Kellen Winslow: Apparently he's a stud tight end and he gets the ball on almost every passing play. Apparently the Browns were resurrected in Cleveland and they play a game almost every Sunday. I haven't actually seen any proof of any of this, but Winslow does have alot of fantasy points.

7. Chiefs Defense: So let me get this straight. The Raiders have to play in Kansas City and in their crack game plan for the week they can't decide between Aaron Brooks and Andrew Walter? Does it even matter? Do you even need me to write the jokes for this one? Take the Chefs and tune in for a game that will leave da raiders Shell shocked.

8. The "Idiot Kicker": Kickers are a fickle bunch but I've got to believe that if any kicker was ever going to get up for any game, it would be Vanderjagt and it would be this game. Can't you see him staring down Peyton in pregame stretches and then taking two hop-steps and lofting a 35 yarder? Boo ya! Is there a less intimidating sight in the NFL than a vengeful kicker? We'll find out this week.

While the above 8 will have you preparing to polish the league fantasy trophy, here are 8 that might leave you strategizing early for next year's draft...

Lose 'em (at least for this week)

1. Brad Johnson: I'm not sure anyone has aged faster over the course of a season than Brad Johnson has this year. It's not unlike in Lord of the Rings when Bilbo gives Frodo the ring of power and then proceeds to age about 900 years overnight. Did I just say that? Thank god I already have a fiance - I'd obviously be in trouble in the dating world. As for Brad...bench him...he sucks.

2. Leon Washington: I had him here last week and he lived up (or would it be down?) to my expectations. Now he gets to face the Bears fresh off a week of controversy regarding his trading card picture. I'd crack wise about trading card collectors but then I'd just get a ton of emails about my comment above. Consider yourselves safe for one week...geeks.

3. Travis Henry: Did you ever wait for a bus that was extremely late? By "bus"...I mean the local transit type and by "late"...I mean somewhere close to 4 hours. But you stuck it out...you waited for that bus and you'd be damned if you're going to move. You wouldn't move because you knew as soon as you did, that stupid Route 64 would have hauled ass around the corner taking on free fares, packed to the windows with SI swimsuit models. Well Travis Henry is that bus for me. I've been calling his number for weeks, but he keeps making me look stupid. Well watch out Travis, this is MY week - I've got a feeling my bus is just about to pull into the shelter courtesy of the Eagles defense and you, my friend, will have nowhere to run.

4. Drew Bennett: I guess I might as well stick with the Titans while I'm at it. I've always had a mantra regarding Drew Bennett in fantasy football - it goes a little something like this..."DON'T START DREW BENNETT." A few seasons back, Drew had something like 8 touchdowns in two games courtesy of Billy Volek. Ever since then, fantasy owners have had this weird crush on the guy. It's almost like no matter how mediocre he is, there's one owner in each league who will say "hey...I remember that one game a few years ago he had like 4 touchdowns - maybe I should..." NO. YOU SHOULDN'T. You'll thank me in the long run.

5. TJ Houshmanmagillagorilla: You can google it on the spelling, but you know who I'm talking about. This is apparently my slot for Bengals receivers and you know I couldn't go there with my boy Ocho again (sorry Ocho...I've always loved ya!). Ocho's counterpart had his head removed via a high tackle last week and he appears to have fallen out of favor with Captain Carson. I expect that trend to continue this week.

Side Note: Do any of you out there have a deeply hidden fear that fantasy football will go the way of Dungeons and Dragons or some other dork game like Risk? Can't you imagine a Kramer-type character playing "retro" fantasy football on a futuristic subway in some sitcom years from now? "The Houshmandzadeh is NOT WEAK!" Yeah...I never worry about that either.

6. Emmitt Smith: I kid. I kid. Just wanted to make sure you’re all still dancin.


6(a). L.J. Smith: Uh oh! I might be going out on a limb here, but hear me out. Smith's numbers have fallen off considerably the past few weeks - which isn't particularly surprising if you've seen the type of pass plays Chunky Donnie and the Eagles have been running. Against the Redskins, I think Donnie actually punted the ball on one play to a streaking Donte Stallworth who appeared to have about 35 yards on the nearest defender. I'd be concerned about whether there's going to be a need to dump off the ball to Smith in this wide open, bombs away attack. [L.J. will now of course shatter the Eagles single game receiving record]

7. Jay Feeley: A kicker who was mostly Mr. Dependable last season has become Mr. "I Need Depends" in the clutch this year. Now he has to go on the road to play a Jacksonville team that has a pretty good scoring defense. Hey, kickers can't break single game receiving records...right?

8. Cowboys D: Despite all that young talent, the 'Boys D has been a little inconsistent this season. This is not the week for one of those inconsistencies to flare up and it's certianly not the week to be starting a defense who plays the Colts. Speaking of this game, what's with the low spread? Are the Colts somehow considered a "weak" 9-0? They can't even be solid favorites against a quarterback named Tony Romo? I've got a feeling Peyton might have one of those 4 TD games up his sleeve and I'm not looking for Tony to match it.

The BIG Fives

Finally we have The BIG Fives - these are the top five and bottom five rushing and passing defenses among active teams this week. If all else fails, look to these lists before calling in the team to draw straws.

Rushing Defense

1. Vikings
2. Ravens
3. Patriots
4. Cowboys
5. Broncos

28. Jets
29. Rams
30. Browns
31. Titans
32. Colts

Passing Defense

1. Bears
2. Colts
3. Raiders
4. Dolphins
5. Jag-u-ars

28. Bengals
29. Cardinals
30. Falcons
31. Packers
32. Redskins

That's about it for this week folks. Choose wisely and remember...if all else fails...at least you're not a dancing loser like Mario Lopez.