So You Wanna Be A Nurse...
I thought I did too… until this past weekend when I had the opportunity to “shadow” one of my friends at a hospital in Pittsburgh. The hospital and my friend shall remain unnamed, since I’m pretty sure my being there violated more than a few state laws (HIPAA will be happy to know I did sign a confidentiality form).
My friend arrived at the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) with “potential nurse (i.e., me)” in tow a few minutes before 7pm. I was dressed for success with my navy scrubs and white Dansko shoes (apparently, Danskos are the unofficial footwear for nurses). Since the shift is 12 hours, it was also recommended that I bring some reading material. So here I am: scrubs, Danskos, book, magazine, obnoxiously large coffee…ready to save the world! Or so I thought. Nobody questioned my legitimacy and before I know it I am being briefed on patient conditions and the two-sizes-too small pants that Dr. Ray wears. “Seriously, you will not believe it! What is he thinking!?” the exiting nurse chided.
In this ICU there are 10 patients and 6 nurses. The patient to nurse ratio is either 2:1 or 1:1 depending on the severity of the injury. On this day, my friend has 2 invalids. The first was an elderly man who fell down the basement steps and was being treated for a broken hip and hypothermia. If not for his bartender paying a visit, he probably would not be alive. He was discovered missing 2 days after the accident because he did not show up at his local VFW, where he typically drinks 7 Iron City beers, 3 times a day - that bartender deserves a big tip! The other patient was a 17 year old boy who shot himself in the head via the chin. While it didn’t kill him, it did leave him permantantly brain dead - it will only be a matter of days before his body quits on him. Other patients included: a stab victim, 3 car accidents, a hit and run, 2 more gun shot wounds and a girl who tried to commit suicide by mixing Drano, various painkillers and grapefruit juice. It is a common misconception that Drano will kill you. It will not. It will only burn your trachea and esophagus, making breathing and swallowing a living hell for the rest of your life.
Here is a run down of my 12 hours in the hospital: drink copious amounts of crystal light and crappy coffee, witness the ebb and flow of visitation, bathe and redress 6 of the 10 patients, read my book, help stock the supply room (and no, this is not the medication room – it really is difficult to steal drugs from there), update vital condition reports every 2 hours (every patient has their own computer - this is the checks and balances system that is in place to prevent mistakes), read my book, discuss the new HPV vaccine, tour the emergency room, take a nap in the on-call doctor’s office, read my book, watch the insertion of a feeding tube, go for an AM bagel run, and watch the admittance of a new patient. This was most interesting. He was a 30 year old male who was shot once in the stomach and once in the head. The staff assembled around him like ants to a crumb of bread. In truth, he had been sent to the ICU to die. The ER does this quite frequently – rushing hopeless causes out of their area into others - to keep their casualty numbers down. This affects their funding and national ranking. It doesn’t look good to the financial donors if excessive amounts of patients die in the ER every year. All hospitals do it.
The ICU floor is its own ward. Every wall is toilet paper white. There are no tranquil Impressionist paintings hanging in the rooms or fake dusty roses sitting at the nurse station. Mixed aromas of alcohol and filth permeate the already stale air, having a dizzying affect on me. The florescent lighting is dim and the constant beeping of drips is enough to put you in a trance [except for the venalators - they frequently go off like clown car horns announcing their arrival]. It takes me 2 hours before I realize I really don’t like it here. I can feel claustrophobia encroaching at an alarming rate and it doesn’t get any better when I have to dress myself in additional gown, gloves and mask to protect myself from MRSA (a hospital born infection that 1 out of 20 patients contract or carry in). This is not an ideal working environment for me!
Fortunately, others thrive on the sanitary appearance and for this I am grateful. I watch this team of nurses unite and provide excellent care for their patients. They are both cautious and compassionate and they perform even the most mundane task with incredible precision. They buy the patients soaps, shampoos and baby powder out of their own money because the hospital will not. They make mixed CDs and bring them in to brighten their spirits. They sit bedside and read the newspaper or a trashing magazine. I came into this unit expecting to see incompetence, cockiness and indifference from our medical system. While that might be the case with higher up management, it was not on the front line. Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation, but I wouldn’t think twice about checking into this unit. That said, at $20 an hour, you couldn’t convince me to take this job. So while it was fun playing nurse in a real hospital, I think I’ll just stick to playing nurse in the bedroom!
My friend arrived at the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) with “potential nurse (i.e., me)” in tow a few minutes before 7pm. I was dressed for success with my navy scrubs and white Dansko shoes (apparently, Danskos are the unofficial footwear for nurses). Since the shift is 12 hours, it was also recommended that I bring some reading material. So here I am: scrubs, Danskos, book, magazine, obnoxiously large coffee…ready to save the world! Or so I thought. Nobody questioned my legitimacy and before I know it I am being briefed on patient conditions and the two-sizes-too small pants that Dr. Ray wears. “Seriously, you will not believe it! What is he thinking!?” the exiting nurse chided.In this ICU there are 10 patients and 6 nurses. The patient to nurse ratio is either 2:1 or 1:1 depending on the severity of the injury. On this day, my friend has 2 invalids. The first was an elderly man who fell down the basement steps and was being treated for a broken hip and hypothermia. If not for his bartender paying a visit, he probably would not be alive. He was discovered missing 2 days after the accident because he did not show up at his local VFW, where he typically drinks 7 Iron City beers, 3 times a day - that bartender deserves a big tip! The other patient was a 17 year old boy who shot himself in the head via the chin. While it didn’t kill him, it did leave him permantantly brain dead - it will only be a matter of days before his body quits on him. Other patients included: a stab victim, 3 car accidents, a hit and run, 2 more gun shot wounds and a girl who tried to commit suicide by mixing Drano, various painkillers and grapefruit juice. It is a common misconception that Drano will kill you. It will not. It will only burn your trachea and esophagus, making breathing and swallowing a living hell for the rest of your life.
Here is a run down of my 12 hours in the hospital: drink copious amounts of crystal light and crappy coffee, witness the ebb and flow of visitation, bathe and redress 6 of the 10 patients, read my book, help stock the supply room (and no, this is not the medication room – it really is difficult to steal drugs from there), update vital condition reports every 2 hours (every patient has their own computer - this is the checks and balances system that is in place to prevent mistakes), read my book, discuss the new HPV vaccine, tour the emergency room, take a nap in the on-call doctor’s office, read my book, watch the insertion of a feeding tube, go for an AM bagel run, and watch the admittance of a new patient. This was most interesting. He was a 30 year old male who was shot once in the stomach and once in the head. The staff assembled around him like ants to a crumb of bread. In truth, he had been sent to the ICU to die. The ER does this quite frequently – rushing hopeless causes out of their area into others - to keep their casualty numbers down. This affects their funding and national ranking. It doesn’t look good to the financial donors if excessive amounts of patients die in the ER every year. All hospitals do it.
The ICU floor is its own ward. Every wall is toilet paper white. There are no tranquil Impressionist paintings hanging in the rooms or fake dusty roses sitting at the nurse station. Mixed aromas of alcohol and filth permeate the already stale air, having a dizzying affect on me. The florescent lighting is dim and the constant beeping of drips is enough to put you in a trance [except for the venalators - they frequently go off like clown car horns announcing their arrival]. It takes me 2 hours before I realize I really don’t like it here. I can feel claustrophobia encroaching at an alarming rate and it doesn’t get any better when I have to dress myself in additional gown, gloves and mask to protect myself from MRSA (a hospital born infection that 1 out of 20 patients contract or carry in). This is not an ideal working environment for me!
Fortunately, others thrive on the sanitary appearance and for this I am grateful. I watch this team of nurses unite and provide excellent care for their patients. They are both cautious and compassionate and they perform even the most mundane task with incredible precision. They buy the patients soaps, shampoos and baby powder out of their own money because the hospital will not. They make mixed CDs and bring them in to brighten their spirits. They sit bedside and read the newspaper or a trashing magazine. I came into this unit expecting to see incompetence, cockiness and indifference from our medical system. While that might be the case with higher up management, it was not on the front line. Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation, but I wouldn’t think twice about checking into this unit. That said, at $20 an hour, you couldn’t convince me to take this job. So while it was fun playing nurse in a real hospital, I think I’ll just stick to playing nurse in the bedroom!
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