Shocking or Just Plain Shockey?

Today is a big day. The Eagles are up in northern New Jersey ready to dismantle a discombobulated New York Giants football team. I say discombobulated because the Giants appear to have followed the Shaq-led (or was it Kobe-led?) Lakers approach to being a winning team. Plaxico Burress always seems to be running his mouth about something. Tom Coughlin should be lifting off the ground any moment now because he's all but fallen into the fire. Michael Strahan may have created a greater gap between himself and his teammates than the infamous one between his teeth. Finally, Tiki is a little busy right now sending out some resumes for next season.







But my favorite – and I really mean favorite - is Jeremy Shockey. How can you not love this guy? He’s uber-talented and uber-mouthy. I’m looking forward to counting how many times he bitches at an official during this afternoon’s game. I have an abacus next to my sofa for every time he yells at one of his teammates. I’ve got his jersey ready to throw on each time he gets into the end zone, for a temporary moment of non-Iggle celebration. I flew in Zinedine Zidane to head-butt me every time a Giant makes a big play just like Shockey does. Finally, I’ve got my TiVo ready just in case Shockey decides to run all the way across the field to level Jeff “Latino Heat” Garcia while Jeff’s sipping on some Gatorade.

It’s a damn shame he plays for the Giants. I would love him even more if he played for the Eagles. He would be the offense’s answer to Brian Dawkins. Shockey brings a spark and passion to the field that the current Eagle offense desperately needs. The Eagles also have an offense that is well designed to take advantage of the tight end. Every Monday following an Eagles game, fans and analysts are either questioning the inadequacy of the tight end, the drops by the tight ends, or the sudden realization that the offense has a tight end. We haven’t had a great tight end here since Keith Jackson. If the Eagles had Shockey, we would have that middle-of-the-field threat again. Not to mention, he could also make Westbrook and Stallworth more valuable and dangerous threats.

It’s time for the Eagles to make a move on Shockey. The Giants are beginning to tire of the so-called “nonsense.” You may say, “We’ve had our share of problem children in Philadelphia. We don’t want any more.” But is Shockey really that much of a headache? Can you honestly put him on the same platform as Allen Iverson or Terrell Owens? I don’t believe you can. We need some fire on our offense and Shockey is just the guy to make it happen. I hope the Eagles whoop the Giants today and that it leads the Giants to completely combust, spewing debris into our starting lineup for next season.

It would be wonderful to experience the Shockey circus every week instead of only twice a year.