The Blue Crocodile Scandal (Code name: BCS)

This is enough already. It is time to dismiss the BCS. It doesn’t work. I’ve had enough with the squabbling. There are so many arguments bouncing around right now that I can’t even decide which pair of pants to wear to work in the morning. I’m serious. I’m wasting too much time pondering the BCS that my regular brain functioning is failing me. I actually just heard someone arguing that the BCS is good for college football because it brings more attention to the sport. Does college football really need any more attention? I recall being given a Gatorade-shower sized dousing over the last 15 weeks. At least 4 channels, at any given time, provided all of us with plenty of college football. College football does not need exposure. What it needs is closure...before I show up to work with no pants on.

We can all continue to bicker about this until Florida loses again OR we can be mature adults about it and accept it for what it is – a hoax. Our hoods have been pulled over our eyes and we’ve been hoodwinked by the latest ploy in sports: The Blue Crocodile Scandal.

I know you all just shook your heads and said, “here he goes again.” But hear me out! Unlike my Tom Brady rant, this conspiracy is legitimate. We’ll start off at the top and work our way through this. First off, I’d like to thank the wonderful people at Florida who produced the 2003 Florida University Gators media guide. You blamed the mistake on the company to whom you outsourced the media guide design. But the real blame falls on you for approving the cover and allowing it to be published with a croc instead of a gator. That gaff gave me a great title for this conspiracy and for that I owe you all a frat-buddy-styled high-five.

Our focus now shifts to the evidence supporting our conspiracy. I can’t recall the exact week it started, but the argument began long before USC fell to Oregon State and West Virginia lost to Louisville. It started before Louisville lost to Rutgers and well before the weekend both Michigan and Rutgers fell from the ranks of the unbeaten. The analysts and experts spawned a wonderful debate which we all know as, “Which one-loss SEC team has the best shot at making the BCS title game?” That’s right. They were arguing about Auburn, Tennessee, LSU, Arkansas, and Florida. Meanwhile, six other teams were still undefeated at that point (USC, West Virginia, Louisville, Michigan, Rutgers, and Boise State). I can't explain why that would happen, except for the inexplicable bias towards the SEC which I frankly can't understand. For every good SEC team there is an equally bad SEC team - that balance exists in every conference. A popular refrain is that the SEC has more ranked teams, but the Big Ten also has 3 teams currently ranked in the Top 10. Those contentions aside, why is Florida playing bad Division-II schools two weeks before the conference championship game?

My last bone of contention lies with the coach of Florida himself. What is up with Urban Meyer? Did he bang his head on a rock and awaken with a desire to be the next Tom Osborne? We all remember when Tom Osborne lobbied his way into 2 National Titles (’94 and ’97). In each of those seasons, a Big Ten team finished undefeated but was not recognized as National Champion. This year, Meyer lobbied his way into the title game while boxing out Michigan (the very same school Osborne screwed in ’97). Perhaps Mr. Meyer needs to realize that Osborne was just using his coaching position as preparation for a career as a U.S. Congressman. I think Florida fans should start questioning Meyer’s dedication to the job. Do you remember the last Florida coach who wasn’t really dedicated to his job? He coaches at South Carolina now. It appears Meyer may be heading down a dangerous path of disappointment. Maybe he’s just thinking about heading to Washington like his much maligned predecessor.

There’s one simple solution to both the dilemma and the conspiracy that helped create it. The solution was provided by one of my fellow Talking Heads. If Boise State wins their bowl game against Oklahoma and Ohio State wins their bowl game against the conspirators from the South (a.k.a.-Florida), Jared Zabransky should take his first opportunity in front of the microphone to call out the Buckeyes. He should call them “chumps.” He should tell them that Boise State will come to the Horseshoe whenever Ohio State wants (which probably could be anytime - we all know the history OSU players have with attending their classes). He should also let them know that Boise State would stomp all over the scarlet and gray. Instead of being cliche and going to Disney World, the whole team should gather and say, "We're going Columbus, Ohio!"

That’s the answer right there. The players need to take this into their own hands. It shouldn’t be about the money. It shouldn’t be about the conferences. We need to forget which conferences the teams come from and who they played and didn’t play. We need to forget the coaches and their lobbying and complaining. Forget the “experts” and analysts who get to vote in polls that decide where teams fall in the BCS. We can even forget the conspiracy theorists who believe Florida found a way to finagle their way in to the title game. It is not about any of that. It is about the players, school pride, and bragging rights.

I don’t care if Boise State plays Ohio State in flag football on the beaches of Cancun during Spring Break. All that matters is that these two teams, the only two undefeated teams in the country, settle the score the right way...on the field.