Bernard's Rants: Clearly Canadian

Avril Lavigne, Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Bryan Adams, Neil Young, Pamela Anderson, Barenaked Ladies. Who are they? Why, they are clearly canadians, of course! But, that's not what this article is about.

Do you remember the soft drink from the 90's, Clearly Canadian? It was perhaps the best stuff on earth. It had the feel of soda, but without all the bitter taste of phosphoric acid which you will find in all coke-based soft drinks. It was light and fruity with flavors like blackberry and cherry. But best of all, it was clear! Even Pepsi tried to ride the coattails of Clearly Canadian's popularity with Crystal Pepsi in the early 90's. But Crystal Pepsi faded away. Sadly, Clearly Canadian did.

It was right around the beginning of January 2006, that I noticed in my local gas station's fridge had a new but familiar soft-drink. It was Clearly Canadian! Maybe it had not left me after all! There they were, my two favorite Clearly Canadian flavors: blackberry and cherry. I quickly purchased one of each and drank them right then and there. I was hooked again. Crisp and clear refreshment - none of that nasty acidic aftertaste. I found myself making runs to the gas station just to buy the stuff. They didn't sell the bottles in bulk, so I had to purchase each one at a rate of $1.29 for a 14 oz bottle. Let's see 12 x $1.29 plus tax =... $16.44, but it was sooo worth it. After purchasing 12 everyday for an entire month, I started running to run out of money. It was then that I decided that I needed to start going Canadian in bulk.

I first tried my local supermarket - unfortunately they had no idea it was being sold again. I also tried other supermarkets from different chains, but got the same response. I then went to the big wholesalers like BJ's and Sam's club. Same story! I would not give up so easily though. I finally tried the Clearly Canadian website at clearly.ca. To my joy, I found out they had re-released other classic flavors like Raspberry, Strawberry, Pink Grapefruit and Blueberry. I had been noticing that Clearly Canadian seemed to taste even better than it did in the 90's. It tasted crisper and sweeter, but not too sweet. Further research on the website revealed that the original formula had aspartame as its main sugar substitute ingredient (the same sugar substitute used in many diet drinks like Diet Coke). This formula had most certainly been changed, adding to the enhancement of my recent purchases. To my disappointment, Clearly Canadian did not sell their product to individual consumers through the website. There was an option to request that the product be sold in certain locations - which I did immediately.

Sometime around the end of the summer, the Crystal Canadian formula was changed again. Instead of using the healthier sugar substitute, sucralose, the makers of Clearly Canadian switched to cane sugar. The result was a sweeter and stickier concoction that they claimed was "clearly" superior to other sodas. Unfortunately, my taste buds smelled a rat - it is just not the same anymore and I now regret not buying Clearly Canadian in bulk - like 100,000 gallons of it. That would be enough of for a life-time supply, right? I've tried writing letters to the company and all I get was a stupid form response saying "thank you for your interest in our product".

I am beginning to give up hope that the special wonder that was Clearly Canadian is gone forever. Until then, I'll just have to keep buying my individually packaged 14 oz bottles from the local gas station.