Come On Down!!!

As the summer hits full swing, a plethora of complicated and important issues have come to the forefront of our daily discussions. Will the "War on Terror" ever be won? Are any of the numerous candidates on either side capable of being the next President? What can be done to help in Darfur? As we debate these profound and important issues, it is essential that we don't let slide another decision that will shape the lives of every man, woman and child in our country (and many others). You're already thinking it...I'll come right out and ask - who will replace Bob Barker?While the candidates are numerous and there is certainly alot of thought and money being spent on the search, it is imperative that each of us ask ourselves who it is that we want to be directing the adventures of the next contestant on The Price is Right. Bob Barker was a unique presence on television and not just anybody can step in and fill his shoes. With that in mind, let's take a look at some of the possibilities:

10. Rosie O'Donnell: The first name to be raised in many media formats, Rosie fits the bill in many ways as she (1) is currently unemployed, (2) has a built-in daytime audience, and (3) seems to be interested in the gig. Unfortunately she is also constantly overbearing and consistently unlikeable. Thumbs DOWN.

9. Regis Philbin: If anyone can claim to rival Bob Barker's record run on daytime television, it is Mr. Kathy-Lee himself. Regis might be getting a little old for double duty, but you know he would go wild for those random kisses from the audience. He's loud, he's obnoxious and he probably wouldn't take the job. That, coupled with his love for Notre Dame gets Regis a Thumbs DOWN.

8. John Madden: Now we're talking. If there was anyone who is ready for a change of pace, it's Madden. For anyone who tuned into Sunday Night Football last season, it was impossible not to notice Madden's incoherent, incessant rambling growing increasingly more incoherent...and incessant...as the games dragged on. One can only spout so many "boom"s and "bam"s before the well runs dry. Given the tired nature of his act, what could be better for Madden's career then a complete change of scenery? Can you imagine the witty insight that Madden might provide on the price of Tylenol? Thumbs WAY UP (and that's without even discussing the awesome new line of video games).

7. Oprah: She seems to have dominated every other aspect of television, so why not give the Queen of Talk a shot at the game show genre? While the ramifications of the built-in audience would be impossible to deny, it's doubtful Oprah would be able to break away from talking about herself and her numerous charitable ventures long enough to acknowledge the next contestant. Thumbs DOWN.

6. Alex Trebek: A placement that would have to rate on the higher side of the unintentional comedy scale, Trebek would be hard pressed to mask his disdain for the contestants and the game itself during challenging mental exercises such as Plinko and the Giant Dice Throwing Game (does it need a name?). Sorry Alex, but you get a Thumbs DOWN.

5. Barbaro: Sure, you'd have to work around the fact that he's dead and all, but once you got around that is there any stopping the charisma of this horse? Everybody loves him, and that skinny microphone looks like it would fit just perfectly alongside his knowing horse smile. If the contestants could learn to sidestep the inevitable horse droppings, we might have a winner. Hoofs UP!

4. Jennifer Love Hewitt: In what is an interesting societal split, the women of America seemed to have accepted Hewitt (or Love-Hewitt, or J-Lo Hewitt or whatever she calls herself) as an acceptable face on the national networks. She has what is an apparently successful series at the present and women seem to see her as an acceptable "girl next door" type. Men see her more for her other...uh...assets, but suffice it to say that the acceptance is mutual. Can she walk and talk at the same time? Who cares? Thumbs UP!3. The Jack Link's Beef Jerky Sasquatch: Two animals in three choices? Hear me out. Aside from pumping out what I feel are the greatest commercials to come down the pipe in many years, the Sasquatch could provide a whole new entertainment aspect to the show. What could be more exciting than to see the fool who utters a nonsensical bid being immediately mauled into submission as we cut to commercial? Furthermore, who could you possibly be more inclined to listen to when you are told to have your pet spayed or neutered? Thumbs UP!

2. Al Sharpton: Nonsensical entertainment at its best, the combination of Al Sharpton and The Price is Right could be the greatest marriage of guilty pleasures since the internet and porn. Will he make any sense whatsoever? Of course not! But you'll be glued to your seat for every minute. Do I even have to tell you? Thumbs UP! Of course.

1. Bob Barker: Perhaps the greatest "replacement" for Bob is the man himself. Judging from the set, the products and the aging models, Bob could have died ten years ago and been living on in rerun infamy all this time. Perhaps that is how the show should continue. They certainly have enough episodes by now, couldn't they just piece together some bits for new shows a la Brandon Lee in The Crow? While a dead horse and Al Sharpton are funny, Bob Barker on The Price is Right is just money [bad rhyme and bad pun alert]. Perhaps that is the way it should be. I think we have our...WINNER!