In The News - April 10, 2007...

While we've never been accused of taking ourselves too seriously here at STH, it is sometimes appropriate to take a step back, gain some perspective, and give an honest assessment of life's important events. This is not one of those times. Here's a quick take on recent happenings around the globe - the intent is one of humor, but as always, take from it what you will.

- IN THE NEWS -

Watch Out NASCAR...

In perhaps one of the most important news stories of the year, a group estimated to be in the hundreds took to world renowned Lombard Street in San Francisco on Sunday for a race of epic proportions. The participants were all consenting adults - their vehicles of choice were Big Wheels. Yes...those Big Wheels.

***Author's Note*** Was there ever a greater toy for a child? Big Wheels were the beer muscles of our youth - once you hit the cockpit of your G.I. Joe Cruiser, nobody could stand in your way and you knew that you could do anything you put your mind to (except for peddling up a steep hill, as the plastic tires would just spin incessantly). An afternoon of Big Wheeling led to a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that no Camry or Accord could rival today. Who knew it would be all downhill from age 4?

Follow That Cab!

From the files of "great ideas that got old very quickly", a Queens, New York couple has negotiated a flat fare with a cabbie to drive them to not so nearby Sedona...Arizona. The couple, who apparently can't drive themselves and have somehow trudged through life oblivious to the concept of "air travel", will pay the "lucky" taxi driver $3000 to make the round trip journey. No word on how many mixed cd's the couple has burned for the trip - the over/under for the first "oh shit - this was a bad idea!" moment is 5 and 1/2 hours.

It was THIS BIG...

In an unfortunate instance of irony, fisherman in Alaska reeled in a 90 year old rockfish that may have been one of the oldest creatures in the region - at least until they killed it. The whopping sea creature - which will immediately be made into 5000 fish sticks - was 44 inches long and tipped the scales at nearly 60 pounds. Officials are working to confirm - but they're pretty sure the creature was originally won at a carnival.

Not Your Grandfather's Video Game?

Apparently satisfied that no child over the age of 5 will ever go outside again, video game maker Nintendo is now targeting an equally vulnerable population - the elderly. As CNN.com reports, Nintendo's Wii gaming system has been catching on with retirement communities throughout the country. Wii's interactive technology allows the elderly participants an opportunity to "exercise" without risking the injuries generally associated with more dangerous activities such as "actually moving" and "seeing the sunlight". [Insert your own mental image of the elderly playing Wii - or just keep it to yourself and enjoy it for the day]

In related news, the former Nintendo employee who designed both "The Power Glove" and "The Power Pad" is desperately searching for a tall building to leap from.

"And My Skin Didn't Even Wrinkle..."

Even as we Americans get fatter and lazier, 52 year-old Slovenian Martin Strel has once again broken his own world record for distance swimming - this time by swimming nearly the entire length of the Amazon River (you probably already knew - but that is 3,272 miles). Strel completed his incredible journey despite bouts with Piranhas and an apparent onset of the runs. Strel explained as he emerged from the water that he swam the river not because "it was there", but because "chicks dig Piranha bites." For our elderly readers, we'll try to keep you posted on the release date for "Nintendo Wii - Swim the Amazon".