In The News - February 26, 2007...

While we've never been accused of taking ourselves too seriously here at STH, it is sometimes appropriate to take a step back, gain some perspective, and give an honest assessment of life's important events. This is not one of those times. Here's a quick take on recent happenings around the globe - the intent is one of humor, but as always, take from it what you will.

- IN THE NEWS -

The Forever Stamp...

In an apparent attempt to generate activity in the all important pen-pal market, the United States Postal Service is toying with the idea of implementing a Forever Stamp. Though the name calls to mind a marking you might give your girlfriend in place of an engagement ring, the idea is that the stamps would be bought in bulk with the expectation that the cost of using snail mail will continue to rise. For those who didn't already leave in a rush to the local Post Office, wouldn't you much rather see the return of the Pony Express? That I would pay for.

Crash Test Dummies...

In an brazen attempt to elude local traffic cops, a suburban New Yorker has been driving in the HOV Lane of the Long Island Expressway with a fully clothed dummy as his only passenger. After accepting his $90 ticket, word has it this law breaking scoundrel gave in to his passenger's nagging and promptly drove full speed into a concrete wall.

"Has Your Dog Been Digging In My Yard Again?"...

From the HOLY SHIT! files, a ginormous sinkhole opened in a residential area of Guatemala City on Friday. The hole is estimated to be over 330 feet deep. Unfortunately, hundreds of people were displaced when the ground gave way and at least two were killed. Perhaps I missed this day in high school science, but how exactly does a 300 foot sinkhole appear on a whim? Could you think of a more scary sight appearing in your neighborhood? Was Anna Nichole Smith really more interesting/important than this event? Thoughts and prayers to those affected by this crazy happening - perhaps people will eventually realize that Al Gore is on to something.

F*** You "World Hunger Crisis"...

A Clearfield, Pennsylvania restaurant made all Pennsylvanians proud this week when they added a 120+ pound burger to the menu. You can read all the gluttonous details, but suffice it to say that a 120 pound burger is just as disgusting as it sounds. Here's hoping the Pennsylvania legislature can think of a worthy fine to pass against the schmucks who throw down $379 to consume this mess. No word on the price for foot long french fries.

"What You Mean I Can't Marry Her? She's My Sister!"

In more embarrassing news for Pennsylvanians, it has been brought to the attention of STH that there is a recent trend sweeping the nation (read: NASCAR nation) that involves fake testicles and truck hitches. Yeah - I scoffed too, but a Google search reveals this rumor is all too true. Thankfully, lawmakers in Maryland aren't going to sit back and take it, as a movement is afoot to grab these truck accessory aficionados by the...well...you know. Godspeed Maryland - we've got your back.